Everything Exams

One of the most exciting and eagerly awaited aspects of birthdays for my children was what design of cake they would have on their special day.  I absolutely loved planning and constructing these cakes with the other sibling. I’m not a great chef so the texture and taste of the cakes sometimes left a little to be desired but I put a lot of effort into trying to manipulate multiple colours of icing into recognisable shapes. I think my top three favourite designs were Postman Pat and his van, Torterra (a Pokémon, see picture), and the Jurassic Park gates with T-Rex logo. I had a few disasters along the way – toppling walls in a house and, quite unforgettable, when the dog jumped on the table and decided to have a little taster when we weren’t looking! On the whole though, these cakes went to plan and until my daughter was well into her teens, when asked what she’d like for her birthday, she replied, “Cake,”. She seemed to gain more pleasure from the cake each year than from the presents she received. There was certainly something special about our ‘cake process’, and it wasn’t my culinary expertise…

It turns out that when we are surprised by something, whether good or bad, the dopamine system in our brains is activated. There are four hormones associated with happiness: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphin. Dopamine makes us feel great when we achieve goals, win things, complete tasks, eat food and go out of our way to look after ourselves. Serotonin at normal levels in our bodies makes us feel calm and happy and helps us get a good night’s sleep. It is sometimes called a mood regulator. Spending time outside on a sunny day, appreciating nature, exercising and carrying out mindful activities all help our bodies produce just the right levels of this hormone. Oxytocin makes us feel fantastic when we share a big hug, stroke a beloved pet or play with babies and puppies. Endorphins are natural pain killers which make us feel euphoric and give us a general sense of well-being. We feel their effects after a heavy workout, when we do a random act of kindness, as we listen to or play music, when we laugh or eat dark chocolate and even when we smell lavender essential oil.

Surprises can take on many forms – not just cakes! – and it’s the good ones that can give us a burst of happiness. As a parent, it’s fun to sew the seed of surprise within your family and, as I’ve found, as your children grow up, they begin planting their own. 

It’s not always necessary to spend weeks planning expensive surprises as there are simple ways of tapping into this happiness gold mine. Surprises could be post-it notes with special messages written on them, hidden in carefully selected places – perhaps behind the toothbrush pot to surprise your child in the morning, on the inside of someone’s bag or, my favourite, just under the covers of someone’s bed so that they find it at bedtime. Drawings, handmade cards, little bags of treats and tiny toys could replace the notes. My daughter really likes ducks and, when she was at university, my son bought 100 mini rubber ducks online and he and I hid them all over her college room whenever we visited her – drawers, handbags, laptop bag, bed, laundry basket etc were stuffed with ducks. It was so much fun and brought a huge smile to my daughter’s face, plus it took her ages to work out who was doing it, which made us smile too. My son, who is in his late twenties, is still spreading surprises and told me only last week that he’s planning the same duck surprise for his best friend, but this time he’s hiding dinosaurs…

Like surprises, special treats can also be planned in advance. If someone in the family has a birthday in the dead of winter, perhaps give them an unbirthday celebration over the summer months. Every member of the family could have an unbirthday six months after their actual date – a mirror birthday. Rather than spending lots of money on gifts, perhaps they get to choose a cake and party food for their celebration and an activity for the occasion. They could even choose a theme for their day and everyone in the family could create their own costume to wear as fancy dress.

Another way of activating your surprise system is to try a new activity every so often. Perhaps arrange for your family to have a go at a golf driving range, take an archery lesson, try an orienteering course or even try meditating with horses (a friend of mine works with horses doing this, which gave me the idea to add it here as an example). A few years ago, I arranged a family trip to an indoor skydiving experience – I wouldn’t go again, but it was memorable and made us all laugh – mostly at me, though 🙂

References

Dfarhud D, Malmir M, Khanahmadi M. Happiness & Health: The Biological Factors- Systematic Review Article. Iran J Public Health. 2014 Nov;43(11):1468-77. PMID: 26060713; PMCID: PMC4449495.